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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120175">Pull No Punches</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine'>Tommykaine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I contain multitudes [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Porn, Challenge Response, F/M, Gambling, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Death, Interrupted Sex, Introspection, Jokes Made In Bad Taste, Maritombola Challenge, Mentions of Child Sexual Abuse by Clergy, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Child Abuse, Porn With Plot, Sex Work, Sexual Harassment, anger issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:08:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethan hadn’t gone out that night looking for a fight. He’d just meant to get a few beers, play cards, have a fun evening and then get back home. Maybe watch a movie if he wasn’t tired.<br/>It was not his fault if, yet again, he seemed to have come across some asshole who deserved to get punched.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Original Female Character/Original Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I contain multitudes [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1290470</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Banned Together Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pull No Punches</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story was written for the Maritombola 11 Challenge, using the prompt "Augusten Burroughs — I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."</p><p>This also participates to the Banned Together Bingo using the prompt "Insults Religious Figure"</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It was the third time Ethan had been in that pub – since it had reopened, at least – and he still wasn’t sure of what he thought of it. The new owner had clearly made quite a few renovations, and it now was an Irish Pub. ‘The Shamrock’, it was now called.</p><p><em>Maybe it’s the music</em>, Ethan thought as he sipped on his beer, waiting for the old guy sitting across him to deal their next round of cards. He didn’t quite know all those people but he sort-of-knew a couple of them, ‘cause he remembered meeting them the last time and sharing a few pints with them. Some pale tall fella with a mop of dark brown hair called something like Tim or Jim, and his shorter pal with red hair and freckles by the name of Charles. Though his memory was sort of foggy since he’d be kind of drunk already, but to be fair they probably had been too.</p><p>The other dude had recognized him first. Not surprising, really. Ethan figured his appearance made him kinda hard to forget. He had a rugged face, with a few scars scattered over it – a souvenir of his youth – and apparently he always had this sour expression as if he was constantly pissed off. He also was quite tall, and while he wasn’t a bodybuilder or the like, he knew he looked like someone you shouldn’t mess with. Which suited him quite well, really, ‘cause he already had enough trouble without random assholes starting shit with him ‘cause they thought he looked weak and that they could rough him up easy.</p><p>Those two dudes, though, they meant no trouble. In fact they invited him to play with them, and he wasn’t one to refuse an offer to play cards, ‘specially if he could make money out of it. Ethan had to admit, gambling was one of his weaknesses. He was pretty good at it, so he guessed it wasn’t too bad. He guessed his ‘resting bitch face’ doubled as a decent poker face too.</p><p>“Ain’t seen ya ‘round here before,” one of the other guys told Ethan, some older dude with a bushy moustache and glasses, and a grey beret. He was sitting right next to him. “You new in town or sum’ting?”</p><p>“Nah, but I don’t live close. Used to come here when it was still Jack’s Bar,” Ethan explained, carefully reordering the cards in his hand while waiting for his turn.</p><p>“Ah yeah. Kinda miss those days.” The old man sighed. “Though the beer was as warm as piss.” He took a sip from his glass, some of the foam getting stuck on his moustache. “I fold.”</p><p>“True. Think I liked the music better then,” Ethan noted, before pushing one of the beer caps they were using as chips towards the center of the table. “Hmm. I raise you five.”</p><p>He continued to play and make some small talk with the guys. He lost that round, unfortunately, but he had more luck on the next two. By the third round he had finished his beer, and he also needed to take a piss, so he excused himself and got up after folding, heading towards the bathroom.</p><p>He was not yet so tipsy that he had trouble walking. Truth to be told he was not much in the mood to get too drunk, so he figured he’d stop after the next beer or so. Though that also depended on how the game went. He tried not to get too salty about it, usually, but if anyone tried to be a little shit and cheat, well, that kinda shit pissed him off.</p><p>Speaking of pissing, the bathrooms could be cleaner, but he’d also seen worse. One time he’d almost stepped on a shit on his way to the toilet, that was in some bar downtown close to his previous workplace. Back when he used to work at some McDonald’s knock-off, before his boss finally pissed him off for him to get into a fight with him and he got kicked out. He remembered he got completely shitfaced without even stopping to get home first, and he woke up at the park without his wallet or phone. Probably nicked by some asshole while he was asleep.</p><p>While he washed his hands, Ethan checked himself out in the mirror. The bruise on his cheekbone was almost gone. Courtesy of some drunk bastard who picked a fight with him ‘cause he looked at him the wrong way. Though he’d changed his tune fast after Ethan broke his nose.</p><p>It wasn’t like Ethan <em>liked</em> getting into fights, really. He wasn’t some kinda masochist or sadist. <em>Maybe</em> he had kind of a short fuse, but really most of the time he was just trying to mind his own business. It wasn’t his fault if other people seemed to do their best to get on his nerves. ‘Specially at work. At least outside of work he could talk back, and whoever tried to start shit with him was gonna catch those hands.</p><p>Not to say he’d <em>never</em> gone out looking for a fight. ‘Specially when he was younger. He was even angrier then, which meant he pretty much was insufferable. But he guessed it was true that growing older made you calmer. Not that he was all that old, he’d be thirty-three in October. But it seemed like a lifetime had passed since he was a rowdy jackass who went around starting fights and sometimes went back home in a police car, his foster mother screeching at him for being such a problem child.</p><p>But really, he hadn’t gone out that night looking for a fight. He’d just meant to get a few beers, play cards, have a fun evening and then get back home. Maybe watch a movie if he wasn’t tired.</p><p>It was not his fault if, yet again, he seemed to have come across some asshole who deserved to get punched.</p><p>He’d just gotten out of the bathroom when he heard it.</p><p>“I said <em>fuck off!</em>”</p><p>A woman’s voice, loud enough for him to overhear even if it was on his deaf side. He turned around and saw a guy, late forties, grasping on the arm of a smaller woman who was trying to pull away. Ethan was surprised to see that the guy was a priest, he had a roman collar and everything. From the looks of it, he was quite drunk, and he was looming over the woman in front of him, who seemed frightened and upset.</p><p>Ethan felt his blood boil. He saw other people looking, but no one was doing shit. Without thinking twice, he marched up to the guy and grasped on his arm, squeezing quite hard.</p><p>“Evening, father,” he told him, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I think you should listen to her. Isn’t she a little too old for you, anyway?”</p><p>The priest glared at him, letting go of the woman and pushing his arm away.</p><p>“You should mind your own business,” he growled in Ethan’s face, his breath smelling heavily of alcohol.</p><p>“What kinda priest goes around drinking and bothering women in bars?” Ethan replied, voice full of disdain. “So much for being all saintly and shit.”</p><p>“You don’t know shit,” the priest hissed, while the woman kept glancing back and forth between Ethan and him. She had long, dark brown curly hair and tan skin. She was wearing a low-cut black top, skimpy jeans shorts and fishnet thighs. “This woman,” he then said, pointing his finger at her and almost poking her eye out with it. “Is a <em>prostitute</em>.”</p><p>“I don’t <em>care</em>,” Ethan replied, sneering. “You’re bothering her.”</p><p>“And you’re bothering me,” the priest replied, straightening his back and pushing out his chest, clearly trying to show that he was not intimidated by him. Though he was not all that threatening, what with the way he was swaying and how much his voice slurred.</p><p>“I thought priests were supposed to be chaste and shit,” Ethan replied, and the guy narrowed his eyes at him.</p><p>“I wasn’t gonna <em>fuck</em> her,” he snapped. “I just want to talk with her, alone. Help her <em>repent </em>for her sins.”</p><p>The way he said that and the fucking leering grin on his face told Ethan he was full of bullshit. Not that he would have believed him either way. He stepped forward, getting all up in his face, easily glaring down at him and lowering his voice into a growl.</p><p>“I don’t believe you,” he told him. “I think you’re a fucking pig, and you should leave her alone.”</p><p>“What did you fucking call me?!”</p><p>That guy’s anger clearly was stronger than his fear, though he did take a step backwards.</p><p>“I’ll say it again, if you want. <em>Pig.</em>” Ethan moved in closer again, this time putting himself between him and the woman. “Leave her alone, <em>or else</em>.”</p><p>“Or else <em>what</em>?”</p><p>“Or else I break your face.”</p><p>The guy’s face crumpled in anger, turning bright red as he glared up at him.</p><p>“I’m not scared of you,” he hissed, hands already clenched up and ready.</p><p>“Too bad.”</p><p>Ethan struck first, punching him straight in the face. He easily dodged the other’s clumsy, drunken attack and proceeded to punch him in the stomach, making him double over and throw up.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>Ethan turned around and saw the owner walking towards him, holding a baseball bat.</p><p>“No fighting in my pub. Bring this outside,” the man barked at him, waving his bat in a threatening manner.</p><p>However, it seemed the priest had no intent to ‘bring it outside’. As soon as he got up, he ran away with his tail between his legs, much to Ethan’s amusement and relief. From the way he’d acted, Ethan thought he’d have to really rough up that fucker before he learned his lesson.</p><p>“Keep your hands to yourself,” the owner scolded Ethan, who scowled at him.</p><p>“The bastard started it.”</p><p>“I don’t give a fuck who started it. If you want to punch someone, go to a ring. If you’re gonna fight then do it outside of here, or I’m kicking you out.”</p><p><em>Like hell you will</em>, Ethan thought, his anger already resurfacing. But he knew better than to start a fight with someone who was armed, and plus, he got it. Guy didn’t wanna have trouble in his pub. Made perfect sense. Didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna be annoyed ‘cause it had not been his fault, and plus, why hadn’t he brought out that bat when the bastard was harassing that woman? But he wasn’t looking for another fight, so he just grunted and walked away.</p><p>He made his way to the bar to get another drink before getting back to his table. Though his hand went to the inside of his jacket, palming the pack of smokes he always carried with him. Maybe he’d go out and have a smoke first. Calm his nerves and all that.</p><p>He was thinking that, waiting for his beer, when suddenly he felt something touch him and he jolted, turning around and opening his mouth to bark at whoever it was to fuck off, when he saw the woman from before standing next to him.</p><p>“Didn’t mean to startle you, big boy,” she said, smiling at him.</p><p>Ethan glanced at her, remaining silent for a few moments. then he pointed at his right ear. “I’m half-deaf. Can’t hear shit from this side,” he gruffly explained. Though he felt bad for her after her previous run-in, so he softened his tone when he spoke again. “You alright?” He glanced at her arm and scowled as he saw that the bastard had left a bruise.</p><p>“I’m much better, thanks to you,” she replied, watching as he got his beer and started drinking. “You’re here alone?”</p><p>“Kinda,” Ethan replied, nodding his head towards the other side of the pub. “I was over there, playing with some guys. But I came alone.”</p><p>“It was very nice of you to help me,” she said. “He was really pushy, and I just didn’t feel… I grew up Catholic, so, it didn’t feel right doing it with a priest,” she explained, an almost apologetic smile on her lips.</p><p>Ethan shrugged. “It was nothing. Guy pissed me off, that’s all”</p><p>The woman touched his arm again, her hand lingering on his bicep. Ethan tensed up, he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t like being touched much, ‘specially by strangers. ‘Specially without asking. But her touch was gentle and she smelled nice, and the way she stroked his arm, it was… kinda nice.</p><p>“I’m Linda, by the way.”</p><p>“Ethan.” He glanced at the barman, then back at her, hesitating, debating himself, before finally asking his question. “Want a beer? Or another drink?”</p><p>“I’ll have a Margarita,” she replied, her smile growing wider.</p><p>He chatted with her for a while, though she did most of the talking. Her hand kept on touching his arm or his hand or his shoulders, and once he got used to it he didn’t mind at all. In fact, he too touched her arm and brushed a strand of hair away from her face at some point.</p><p>“Hey Ethan, where did you-”</p><p>Ethan turned towards Tim-or-Jim’s voice, but as soon as the other man saw Linda, he turned a little red.</p><p>“Sorry, man, didn’t know you got company,” he said with a small laugh. “I’ll tell the guys you’re busy. Come back to the table later to get your winnings.”</p><p>Once he went away, Ethan turned to Linda away, but she spoke first.</p><p>“Say… when you’ve finished your beer, would you like to… come back to my place?”</p><p> </p><p>Linda’s place was not too far from there, as it turned out. It took them more or less fifteen minutes on foot. Ethan had lent his jacket to her, since the air was quite chilly and she was still quite skimpily dressed. He hadn’t dared to bring up the topic of money, so he wasn’t sure if that had been an invitation or a, well, ‘business proposition’. He wouldn’t normally go and seek out someone to pay for sex, but he guessed he wouldn’t mind in that case.</p><p>Once they reached her apartment building, she guided him all the way up to the last floor, unlocking the door and hanging his jacket on a clothing rack. Her heels clicked on the wooden floor, until she took them off and sighed in relief, massaging the soles of her feet.</p><p>Ethan looked for a light switch before closing the door, but she took his hand and closed it herself before leading him forward, clearly knowing where to go despite the almost complete darkness.</p><p>Once she’d guided him inside a room, she turned the light on and immediately pushed him on the bed, which creaked under his weight. She closed the door and then smirked at him, slowly walking up to him and climbing onto his lap, pushing her chest against him. Ethan couldn’t help but glance down before looking at her face, his hands grasping on her hips.</p><p>She wrapped her legs around him and kissed him, one hand grasping on his hair. He kissed her back, and she tasted like Margarita and like the cigarette she bummed from him on their way there.</p><p>It had been a while since he last got laid, so the combination of her soft weight and of the passionate kiss was already getting him hard. Once she pulled back, he grasped on the edge of her top and pulled it off of her, watching as her large breasts finally bounced free.</p><p>Ethan’s hands were big and rough, but he tried to touch her as gently as he could, cupping her soft breasts and kneading them, rubbing his thumbs against her nipples until he felt them harden under his touch, her breath growing heavier. When he leaned in to lick and suck on one of them, she grasped on his hair again and moaned out loud, pushing her chest out against his face. His other hand kept on cupping and caressing her other breast, lightly pinching and pulling on her other nipple at the same time, and she tried to stifle her voice but he could tell she was into it.</p><p>The way she was rubbing herself against his crotch was starting to drive him crazy, so he pulled back to make her sit on the bed next to him, getting up to take off his shirt, then his jeans. He saw her staring at him, but if she had something against the scars on his body then she didn’t show it. She too took off her shorts, pulling them out but leaving her fishnet tights on. They were crotchless, and she was wearing a thin black g-string over them, which she took off by standing in front of him and then bending over, giving him a full view of her ass. He could see that she’d gotten wet, and it made him all the more eager to get on with it, tossing his boxer briefs to the side once he had them off.</p><p>Once they were both naked, she got down on her knees to suck him off, grasping on his cock and taking it in her mouth right away, swirling her tongue around the tip. Ethan gasped and moaned loudly, both hands grasping on her soft curls. He looked down at her as she bobbed her head up and down, her boobs swaying with the movement. At times, she even swallowed his whole cock until it was buried deep into her throat. She clearly knew what she was doing, and he had no illusions as to how she’d gotten so good at it. Though he didn’t mind too much. She was nice, and she was hot too, if anything he would consider himself lucky to be getting all that for free when other guys normally had to pay for it.</p><p>Right when he was about to tell her that he wouldn’t last if she kept sucking him off, Linda pulled back and leisurely stroked his cock, panting and looking up at him, green eyes twinkling with mischief.</p><p>“Wanna bring this back to the bed?” she asked, and he quickly nodded.</p><p>He followed her as she crawled up on it, sitting up on her knees and glancing back.</p><p>“How do you want me, baby?” she asked, bringing one hand between her legs to play with herself, the other grasping on one of her breasts and rubbing her own nipple, her voice hitching as she spoke again. “On my knees? On my back? Or do you want me to ride you?”</p><p>“I want to look at you,” Ethan replied, moving in closer and pushing her down, his hand reaching down between her legs when hers moved away to rub his fingers against her wet folds. He found her hole and pushed one finger in, testing to see if she would tense up or not, then he pulled it back and added a second one, slowly fingering her. Meanwhile, he grasped on one of her breasts and leaned down to suck and lick on her nipple again, lightly biting on it from time to time. He could feel her inner walls contracting around his fingers, and he couldn’t wait to put it in.</p><p>“You got condoms?” he asked, and she nodded.</p><p>“In the nightstand, the left one.”</p><p>He pulled his fingers out to crawl towards that side of the bed, opening the drawer and fishing inside it to find a box of condoms. He pulled one out and opened it, carefully putting it on. He saw her staring at him as he did so, maybe checking that he really was putting it on. He felt a bit offended that she’d think he wouldn’t, but then again, he guessed she had to deal with some bastards on the regular.</p><p>Once he finally had it on, he climbed back on top of her and made her spread her legs, grinning as she wrapped them around his hips. He started to push himself in, slowly, until he was all the way inside, then he started moving his hips.</p><p>The bed creaked quite loudly underneath them, and he would have worried about it but he was far too distracted by how good it felt inside her to care all that much. He’d tried to go slow at first, but when he heard her moaning he picked up his pace and fucked her quite roughly, her breasts bouncing with every thrust, her face and chest flushed from the pleasure.</p><p>“Aah… aah… Ethan!” she cried out, grasping on the sheets. “It’s… so good…”</p><p>He was so into it that he didn’t hear the knocking at first, but she immediately tensed up and pushed against his chest, her legs letting go of him as she clearly tried to push him off, and after a moment of confusion he quickly pulled out, right in time to be pushed to the side and have the blankets pulled on him as the door opened.</p><p>“Mommy?”</p><p>A young boy, about eight years old or so, walked inside the room. He looked quite sleepy, rubbing his eyes with one hand, and he didn’t seem to notice Ethan’s presence at first. His hair was much curlier than hers, and his skin much darker. His dark brown eyes looked at Ethan with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.</p><p>“Who’s that?”</p><p>“He’s… a friend,” Linda said, still flustered. “Benji, can you… wait for me in your bedroom?”</p><p>The boy frowned. “There’s a monster in there.”</p><p>“Of course… okay sweetie, then just close the door for a second. I’ll be right there.”</p><p>Benji still eyed Ethan suspiciously for a few moments, but he walked out and closed the door. “I’m waiting!” he then announced from outside.</p><p>“Sorry, I… I have to go,” Linda told Ethan, an apologetic smile on her lips as she pulled the covers back down and then got up from the bed.</p><p>“Of course.” Ethan held back a sigh, watching her as she opened her closet to put on something more covering than her previous clothes. He was still hard but the mood was kinda ruined anyway.</p><p>He got up too, picking his clothes back up and putting them on again as fast as he could. Once Linda was dressed as well, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, she rushed to open the door again.</p><p>“There we go. Now, let’s go to your room and chase that monster away.” She glanced back to Ethan. “Uhm, sorry, would you like to get a drink? The kitchen is right there, all the way to the right.”</p><p>“Are you sure I should stay?” Ethan asked, surprised. He’d expected her to kick him out, really.</p><p>“Sure, it’s alright. I’m… it’ll just take a while.”</p><p>“Alright then.”</p><p>Making his way to the kitchen, Ethan found the light switch and turned the light on. Like the rest of the house, the kitchen was small but tidy, with a few potted plants here and there. He found the fridge and opened it. There were a few beers, but he took out a coke instead. Closing the fridge, he looked at the drawing that was attached to it with a few magnets. A portrait of Linda, most likely, drawn by her son Benji.</p><p>Ethan stood there, staring at it and feeling awkward, popping the can open and taking a sip.</p><p>
  <em>What am I doing here?</em>
</p><p>He wasn’t sure of why she hadn’t just asked him to leave. Not like they were gonna fuck again after that. He remembered the look on Benji’s face and felt kind of guilty. He wondered if she normally brought her clients home. He also wondered where Benji’s father was. He could guess he was probably out of the picture. Was he dead, or did he just walk away, much like his mother had done when he was about Benji’s age? Or maybe he was some kind of bastard, like his old man, beating her up and shit, and she got fed up and left him?</p><p>
  <em>Doing that sort of job while having a kid… she must have it rough.</em>
</p><p>He went down to sit by the table as he waited, wondering how Benji felt about that whole situation. Well, not her work, hopefully he didn’t know about that, but about not having his dad around. Ethan knew he would have been grateful not to have grown up with the old bastard. He wondered how it would have been like, if his mother had grabbed him and his brothers and left instead of ditching them. Not like he could blame her. He figured it was much harder to run away with four kids than one, or none. Still, he wondered if he’d been happier with her.</p><p>
  <em>David probably would still be alive, wouldn’t he.</em>
</p><p>He frowned at that thought, suddenly feeling bitter. He tried not to think about his brother. About the day pop snapped and hit him so hard, he broke his neck. About how they’d thought he’d fainted, at first, and how he couldn’t wake him up to go to school the next day and was scared their dad would beat him even worse. About the way his father had <em>howled</em>, not even sounding like a human being as he bawled his eyes out in a way he’d never seen him cry before.</p><p>He didn’t even know what happened to his other brothers. Elijah, Noah, John. Noah and John went to different foster homes ‘cause they were younger. Elijah went with him, but he ran away at some point after he was eighteen, and their foster mother never really bothered to look for him. Nor did Ethan, for that matter.</p><p>He figured he could probably look for them, if he really wanted to. But what would even be the use of that? What would they even talk about, if they met again? <em>So, remember when pop would beat the shit out of us, good times, huh?</em></p><p>Not like he had much good to say about the present either. Sure, he guessed he had a job… for the time being, and he had a house and food and shit, but… well, he didn’t really have much going for him, now, did he? Working somewhere he sort-of-tolerated for an acceptable income, spending his weekends gambling and drinking to take his mind off of shit, and always ending up in some kind of fight because he had a short fuse and no patience for assholes. He was kind of a mess, really, and his brothers were probably better off not knowing shit about each other. If they were dead, or doing worse than him, he would just feel like shit. If they were doing better… he probably would also feel like shit for being the only one who couldn’t get his shit together and get over the past.</p><p>He was still mulling over it when he saw Linda walk inside, sitting down next to him.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t think he would wake up like that,” she told him, once again smiling apologetically. “He’s getting kind of clingy lately. I wish I could be around more… I have to work every day until late, and on weekends, well… I need the extra money.”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Ethan replied, shrugging. “Was nice till it lasted.”</p><p>“We can… get back to it, if you want?” she proposed, though Ethan could sense the hesitation in her voice.</p><p>“Nah, not really in the mood.” He shrugged again. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” she insisted, biting on her lip and looking nervous.</p><p>“Yeah? Why?”</p><p>“I mean… you… you helped me before, and…”</p><p>Ethan suddenly felt a tight knot in his stomach.</p><p>“Was that what all that was about?” he asked, more harshly than he’d meant. “You were… repaying me?”</p><p>Linda didn’t meet his gaze, playing nervously with her hair.</p><p>“I… no, but… well, I mean, I don’t… it’s all I can do, really, so…” she glanced back at him for a moment, looking guilty. “I mean, you’re… you seem nice, and I like your muscles… I did kind of want it, but I also… I mean, if you weren’t there, I didn’t know what would have happened. I’m always scared something like that will happen, that I won’t get back home to Benji and… well, I was grateful to you.”</p><p>Ethan sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hand.</p><p><em>She did seem to be into it… unless she’d been acting. But from what she was saying, it didn’t sound like she’s forced herself</em>.</p><p>Either way, he definitely wasn’t gonna get hard again after knowing that.</p><p>“I should go.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”</p><p>“I’m not offended, I just- I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay.”</p><p>“You could just spend the night here, at least. I mean I’d feel bad kicking you out, after… well..”</p><p>Ethan almost snorted out loud. He could just imagine himself the next morning, walking into Benji on his way out and getting stared like he was some sort of suspicious intruder, leading to all sorts of awkward questions for his poor mother. Or, possibly even worse, having the most awkward breakfast with them while Benji asked <em>him</em> all sorts of questions that he wouldn’t know how to answer</p><p>“I don’t think that’d be a good idea either,” he replied in full honesty.</p><p>“I wouldn’t mind starting things out on a different foot,” she tried to insist as he got up, finishing up his can and looking around for a bin to toss it into before looking back at her and sighing.</p><p>“You need a decent man.”</p><p>
  <em>And I’m anything but that.</em>
</p><p>“I’ve had much worse,” she replied, smiling and trying to make a joke out of it.</p><p>For a moment, Ethan was almost tempted. But…</p><p>“I’m only decent enough to know when it’s time to walk out,” he replied, and in that moment he thanked the fact that his expressions didn’t show easily on his face, because it meant she couldn’t notice how much it costed him to say that.</p><p> </p>
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